Networking and the Socially Awkward

In this rough economy, networking and building your base is stressed more than ever before. It is stressed so much in fact, that it stresses me out just hearing it over and over again. Regardless of what industry you are in, it seems that having social skills is the key to obtaining a job. Success as it seems is directly related to who you socialize with and if you come across as someone that can play like a team.

The problem that I find with this constant talk of networking, making friends with everyone you come in contact with and trying to broaden your social base is that not all of us are good at it. I am good at networking virally, but not necessarily comfortable in almost any social situation. I also feel that not every successful person is the popular extravert. Some people are naturally capable of blending in to almost any crowd, striking up a conversation, becoming easily liked and easily understood. While, there are some of us like me that does not fit in to one social group. I constantly find myself feeling socially awkward and uneasy around some people. It takes me a long time to get to know people, trust people, and adjust. 

It seems that in most social circles, if you do not "show your face" in these groups- you are not participating. Even if it is fake, it seems that one must show their face in order to give the appearance or the illusion that they are participating. In my personal opinion, it is necessary to socialize and network. But at the same time, relationships have to form naturally. We must put ourselves out there, allow ourselves to grow and learn and get to know people. But, friendships can not be forced because we all have free will and those that do not like you, have their right not to. So, for those of us that may not belong, we move on and work with people that do get us and understand our personalities. 

In my opinion, networking is important. But, I also think that sometimes blending in and not really belonging to any one group but being your own individual- is much more important. Flexibility comes with those that do not stay within their own comfort zone. Those that step out of their comfort zone, have the ability to be open to any person or situation. And as long as one remains genuine and true to oneself- making the right connections for the right type of employment will fall in to place naturally.

Stress Detox- Clearing the Mind For Better Focus

Attending Grad school has proven to be extremely stressful for me. If not for the work load, the 3 hour commutes as well. Also, having a learning disability- adult ADD is nothing to take lightly. It is a serious condition that often takes a toll on the way I communicate. I tend to enjoy talking or discussing my view point and may not even realize that I am not allowing others to talk. I tend to take longer on tests or exams or assignments than the average person. I have a tendency to get distracted easily and sometimes, I have organizational problems.

Though under stress, I noticed that the average adult with ADD can take on multiple projects and juggle more than the average person some times. But, in my case I have noticed that the the above are things I have to take into consideration when in a learning environment. In the same way, when we deal with stress we must consider everything that is surrounding our circumstances. There are things that we can change and things that we can not change. 

Say if we have a heavy work load, we can not change the amount of work we have. However, we can figure out a way to cope with all of it much better. If you have a handicap, a learning disability, or other special considerations. It is good to take these things into consideration and figure out a creative way to deal with your specific circumstance. So, I have to allow more time to study. I have to attend study sessions and study groups. I have to pre-plan things way in advance in order to be more organized. 

However, a key component to stress is exercise and time specifically designated for mind clearing. Yes and the time that you do designate ought to involve nature. Being conscious is an important factor to detoxing from stress. When detoxing and clearing the mind. You want to always try to stay away from brain-numbing activities. Brain numbing involves being unconscious: being on the internet, watching movies or tv or playing video games- all activities that make you unconscious and not present. Anything that is going to involve brain numbing is not necessarily a stress detox. 

To really clear the mind, it is necessary to get out and do something that might be adventurous, fun, and most of all- nature related. I tend to enjoy hiking. Running is also good, but I am not really a runner and so I tend to enjoy nature hikes much more. Just recently, I went white water rafting on a level 4 rapid with 10 feet drops, this adventure was amazing. Luckily I didn't fall out of the boat. But, the activity was challenging, adventurous, got the blood flowing and taught me to be present. When white water rafting you have to work with a team of people in a boat, listen to orders to ensure you are all working as a team or your boat can tip over. It is also a lot of fun and a huge natural rush. I couldn't believe how clear my head was after white water rafting.

When you clear your mind, you have to watch out because you may end up remembering all the things you forgot when stressed out. Yes, sometimes stress often causes you to forget important assignments or things in your life you were suppose to do and causes you to get a bit "scatter-brained." For me, stress at Grad school this summer caused me to forget some assignments. Luckily, I hope I can still recover a decent grade and learn for the future to give myself more time to detox. So, before the stress gets to you. Try getting away for a mental retreat, a time to embrace nature and clear your mind so that you can come back to your life refreshed.

Shut Up or Speak Up- Media and Decorum

Often times there are unsaid rules that people do not teach you right away, these things we learn the hard way. Ones that you have to learn in order to achieve success, especially in this viral community where everything we put out on the internet can be used against us in the future.

When you get hired especially in film or media, there is almost always unsaid rules to the business that you do not know until much later. Some rules have to do with how you socialize, who you socialize with and what you say on the internet. As social networking is being pushed at us, we are constantly encouraged and reminded that we need to be utilizing social networking sites to continue to keep a large networking base close to us. However, what some of these studios do not tell you is that they actually research what you say. Yes, it is not uncommon for new employers to do a bit of research on you. Most will track what you say, analyze your writing, and what you do on your off time. I was once turned down for a job at a studio in Los Angeles when they researched me on the internet and complained that they tracked that I have worked on a variety of films. Bottom line, they were worried that I was going to quit in the future for a crew position. 

I have also had employers read my blogs and track me meticulously on the internet. While that may feel like an invasion of privacy. Once we publicly post something- it is out there for people to track. Whether your sexting, posting up crazy pictures of yourself, posting up all of your "extra-curricular" activities. It may be funny and cool with your friends, but for an employer they may frown upon it. So, my thing is feel free to live the way you want, but be careful and know the consequences of throwing yourself out there virally for people to track, document and use against you later.

Nature and Creativity

Sometimes, after working really hard for an entire month it is good to get out in nature. Everyone has there own way of meditating and clearing your head. For me, things linger for a while and so sometimes it is good for me to escape to nature. 

The first thing that one should do when people reject you- is to go out and do exactly what they would not want you to do. There was a famous football player, that at one point had an article written about him the article was full of criticism. The article stated an endless prediction of failure, accusing him of not being skilled enough and good enough and that he would never win. That football player kept that article in his locker and read it every time he would go out to a game. 

He never lost a game since that article was written. Tomorrow, I am getting my Go-Pro camera and my Canon T2I and I am going white water rafting- yes you better believe I am filming. 


When you want to perfect your art, your craft, your skill- you get out there and you do it regardless of your critics.

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know."

Theodore Roosevelt

Raging Bull and Editing

In this digital age, we tend to get caught up with a lot of the special effects, CG, 2-D, 3-D...anything seems possible with the green screen and our "Fix it in post" mentality. I went ahead and listened to good advise to re-watch one of my favorite films, Raging Bull for my upcoming short film about female boxers.

I have watched Raging Bull at least a dozen times now and I never seem to get tired of the Martin Scorsese sports drama. I believe it is one of the best depictions of an athlete's struggle between himself, as well as a cultural depiction of traditional gender roles set in the 1964 time frame. What impresses me today is the simple static shots and how the story telling did not use the effects of what some tend to use today, the high shutter speed look. In post production, I know I find myself wanting to do too much and realizing that in so doing- we distract the audience away from the story.

The editing achieved by Thelma Schoonmaker seemed to be tastefully executed with careful simplicity. If you have watched a film a dozen times, it may be good to watch the film again only this time to inspect the color scheme, editing, the types of shots that were chosen and how the camera was used to tell the story.

Every filmmaker's style is different. It is great to appreciate the simplicity in clean, well paced and slow editing without all the fancy effects or fast cuts (which by the way, I am guilty of preferring). You may be like me, someone who loves the edgy editing and fast pace of City of God. However, there is a pureness in Raging Bull that watching it for the 13th time now, I have forgotten. It is easy to get lost in today's fast pace, CG world and so sometimes going back to the way things were done in the days of Raging Bull is not such a bad idea.

Viral Networking and the Anti-Social

We are at the networking age where conversations no longer need to take place in person. We no longer need to face a person, but tend to do more of our conversing over messaging. Does this new technical age somehow make us socially retarded? For me, I have noticed that the more and more I perfect my social networking skills, the more I tend to forget the fundamentals of simple conversational etiquette.

Social networking sites that tend to suck us into random chat sessions that last too long are ones like Facebook and Twitter. When I first began using Twitter, I really did not know what I was doing or how to use it. But, when properly used one could carefully communicate effective messages that lead into marketing strategies for any type of entrepreneur. However, one that is not used by the younger Facebook generation is LinkedIn. LinkedIn is actually one of the most respected networking sites, in my personal opinion. Because, you must know contacts and gaining contacts are not as easy to do as it is on Twitter and Facebook. But having real business contacts is worth the hassle of the slow building process that it takes to gain a network base on LinkedIn.

Also, LinkedIn is a business profile and resume page for your future employers and people that would like to see a professional snapshot of you. While keeping up with these tools are great. Here are 10 things you can teach yourself how to become more emotionally intelligent and socially conscious. I try and practice these mantras daily, especially during stressful moments in life, such as Graduate boot camp at Newhouse.

1. Try not to live in your head, catch yourself when you find yourself wandering from the moment and try to stay present.

2. Be mindful when others are talking and catch yourself if you interrupt- practice active listening.

3. Learn to mingle with everyone and realize that relationships develop naturally. But, if two people do not fit together due to personality clashes, that is okay too.

4. Never allow yourself to get too sucked into networking where it suddenly takes the place of real friends and real human interaction.

5. Learn to not take things too personally and see yourself as valuable, even if others may not see it. You need to see it in yourself and that is the most important thing.

6. Practice moderation with all that you do. Begin with small things and suddenly, you’ll find that the big things aren’t so big at all. You may find more balance in your life this way.

7. When you are faced with a personality that really rubs you the wrong way, ask yourself why and find a way to make peace with who they are and then let the conflict go.

8. Remember all of the times you didn’t feel so acquired. Recall a time in your life where you felt confident, smooth, alive, and sure of yourself and your future. Then, practice placing yourself back in that emotional state, especially during moments where you feel unsure about things.

9. Never allow people or events in your life to effect you so much that it ruins your chances of success. Be the winner and succeed by not giving in to negative distractions. This means, that if you have to block it all out- do so and focus on your own journey.

10. Always try to eat right and get enough rest. You’ll find that when you don’t sleep that much, your tendency to say the wrong things are that much easier.

These are things I am still trying to master and will hopefully become better at over this next year. Because, networking is key and the ability to understand various personalities different than our own can make current or future projects easier to work on and allow for a more socially mature self.

Media, Technology and A.D.D.

If we look back 10 years ago, we’ll recognize that attention deficit used to be primarily an adolescent disorder. This disorder focused primarily on children as young as 5 years old, to those in their late teens. Yet, it was mostly parents with elementary school kids that reported to have the most problems.

Ritalin used to be the drug that was pumped into kids, now this medication has evolved into newer psychotropic medication such as Concerta, Dexadrine, Desoxyn, Vyvanse and more not listed here. Today, attention deficit disorder is on the rise with a whopping 4.4 million children ranging in ages from 4 to 17 have A.D.D. and at least 4 percent of adults now struggle with attention deficit. 

With such high percentages of those suffering from the illness that distracts so many children and adults, one must ask if perhaps this lack of focus stems from more than a chemical imbalance. Living in this technological age where the media is blamed for sensationalizing the news into soap-opera reality-tv; new methods of marketing media, connecting via social networking, and watching films can all be done via our smart phones.

The internet explosion and constant evolution of technology allows our mobile phones, laptops, and computers to be a virtual explorative world at our fingertips.  Today, we can check our e-mails, facebook account, twitter a message, write a short blog, log in to our bank accounts, and surf the internet all from our phones. Beyond simple texting and making a phone call- our phones are mini-laptops able to do just about anything. No wonder, we cannot stay focused? Distraction and cell phones has gotten so bad, that new laws had to make it illegal to call or text anyone while driving because people have actually gotten killed by a driver texting or making a phone call.

Technology has been the driving force to new media forming into an ambiguous amalgamation of computer technology, internet, and web-based video distribution. In the past only those with a hefty amount of money could distribute films and videos. The cost of making films, color correcting, and flat bed editing- was expensive. Now in the new digital age, almost anyone can purchase a digital camera which most come in High Definition and shoot films. Most people equally have their own computers and access to editing software. The rise of filmmakers using DSLR camera’s has become an even more cost effective approach to making films. The quality of filmmaking, media and marketing distribution has become so compact, that the ability to view media is accessible through almost any smart phone or laptop.

10 years ago, we used to value real human contact. We used to really pay attention to what people say and listen intently. Today, it is near to impossible to have a conversation with a fellow human, distracted by the technological world engulfing them. While technology has made it so that we connect to more people, communicate, market ourselves, distribute our own videos, publish our own articles via blogs or websites. Technology has made newspapers obsolete and the news streaming live through the web faster than some television stations can air it. Today, the rise of reality television has influenced how we present news to an audience who are used to sensationalism. In this technological world of wonderful opportunities for growth, and new entrepreneurs, we ought to embrace new ways we deliver and create media with moderation and balance.