Politics must be the most sensitive subject, it goes beyond religion in my book. It is so sensitive, that it creates so much chaos and division all over the world. Just 10-12 years ago, we could bring up our political opinions and still get along with people at school, professors, bosses at work, co-workers, friends, family. Now, if you dare breathe your opinion you are marked and pegged for ever. My husband and I have family we love dearly that are extreme right and left on the political spectrum. I can't say how many times there has been huge disagreements that have started regarding this.
It seems ever since the Bush administration and now Obama- both parties on either side are so extremely narrow minded in their own views there is no way around one gigantic fist fight at the end of a political discussion. There is no such thing anymore as having an adult disagreement when it comes to politics. Agreeing to disagree just does not exist in 2011. Since Bush and now Obama- right or left, war or no war, high taxes or no taxes, Capitalism or Marxism-- there is no agreeing anymore.
It makes me ill how our ability to communicate effectively like adults have been dissolved from our current society. Whether I am around extreme conservatives or extreme liberals, my level of discomfort is so huge. I am an independent and I do not believe that people are even allowed to be. Both parties force the independent to choose and take one side over the other.
Politics is favoritism. Playing politics is what people do when they favor one candidate over the other. When someone wants to select one candidate over someone else for the job. Politics are involved most of the time when selecting a candidate regardless if they have done well on an interview or not.
This world has been dissolved into "Every man for himself." If you are lucky to have someone respect you regardless of differences, it is a one in a trillion chance of that happening today. Most people pre-judge and assess who they like based upon preset prejudices of whom they feel comfortable establishing a long term friendship or connection. Everyone determines who their friends are based upon preset prejudices that have to do with their background, family, education, and how they grew up. Most people will lean towards individuals that are similar to them.
The way political discourse and division is, as I have experienced it in my life. Cut-throat. Unkind. Ruthless. I am a lone wolf in this world. I am an independent desperately wanting to not conform or belong to just one set of rules and conditions. An independent that does not want to have to choose, someone that wants to speak up and say what is on my mind and have an opinion. In this world, the one that I have been living in- there is no such thing as peaceful discourse and peaceful politics.
There are no more friendly political bi-particans left. If you are opinionated, different, unable to conform to any sort of organization. If you want to fight to be independent and strong. If you are "In Rome" but you "Do NOT want to do as the Roman's do." You may be fighting the battle alone for ever and this fight, you may lose. I fear no one is safe in this divided political world. No one is allowed to speak their minds and share their views and agree to disagree. Freedom of speech is an illusion, it is not real it never has been.
We have lost the few ingredients that separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom: a conscious and ability to reason and love. We have lost our humanity.
Social Issues, Independent Political Views, Art, Film, Writing, War, Life
Monday, August 22, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Diet Coke, hold the Rum: Socializing Sober
I used to enjoy alcohol beverages for social occasions because it helped me to relax and let loose. For most people, alcohol helps to temporarily numb any social anxiety and awkwardness. Feeling socially awkward is not the same thing as "low self-esteem." I have always had a healthy dose of confidence, but have always felt socially peculiar especially around people I am just getting to know. It is natural in my opinion and actually more common for the majority of people to feel self conscious, even if they care to not admit so.
People are all striving towards some form of acceptance no matter who they are- they want to be understood and loved and know that they are not alone. The most over used ideology, phrase, cliche, and repeated mantra most people say is "I don't care what people think." Because if you are simply human, you will naturally care what other people think to a small degree. Some have mastered the art of not caring what people think, but not everyone is born with natural tendencies to not be concerned about others viewpoint of them.
Because, drinking, socializing, and wanting acceptance comes from over thinking what people think. And for the most part, if there are those that begin drinking to relax and loosen up, talk to that cute girl at the bar that they would normally be scared to ask out. Talk to peers or friends in a way that is not, well, themselves. Why? Because many people at the end of the day are sometimes sick of being themselves. Living in a world full of social rules and decorum. They want to escape, loosen up, dance crazy, shout at the top of their lungs, and swing their hair all around. They want to let go in a way that they normally can't. They want to escape the reality of who they are and the reality of life.
Other times, drinking is not as complex. From the beginning of time, it has been a way to socialize and bond. It has been the largest bonding agent in America for centuries now. It is so ingrained in our society, that many still are not able to know how to bond without the use of alcohol. Whether it is one drink, a bottle of wine, or a keg. Alcohol allows us to be less inhibited. It is similar to the excitement everyone feels for dressing up on Halloween. You get to be someone else for a day. You get to be as silly, as scary, as wild looking, as freaky as you want and no one will judge you. Everyone will except you.
Alcohol allows us to drop our guards and our personal boundaries, by allowing us to be uninhibited enough to erase the bit of consciousness left in us that rationalizes and over analyzes. Being someone who is confident and yet suffers with social anxiety, I have always hated the strangeness of new encounters or ones that made me dig deep to learn to re-adjust to new environments. However, being in the Army has allowed me and my husband to adjust more easily to almost any situation. Yes, I get stressed out, but the day we both decided to commit our lives to not drinking again was a day that we completely cut alcohol out of our lives. We decided we did not want to drink anymore. It was too costly in more ways than one. It was risky and dangerous and always lead people to do crazy things. The higher amounts of negative consequences due to drinking outweighed the positive reasons to have it in our lives. Plus, it was a stimulant one that was not natural and toxic to our memory, liver, and overall health.
It has been about a year now since we stopped drinking alcohol. I used to smoke cigarettes and cigars too believe it or not. I had quit on and off for years. But finally, I gave it up completely a year ago when I gave up drinking. I wanted to not be addicted to anything, not have anything dominate my life to such a degree that it controlled me. Someone with an addiction is someone with an illness that controls their life. Having a father who is an alcoholic, a grandmother who is, and a grandfather who died from it- I decided to cut alcohol out of my life. I was always an occasional drinker, but could have become an alcoholic if I continued to indulge in it- especially with my family history on my father's side.
So, those of us who have stopped drinking. You have to re-learn how to socialize without the use of alcohol. You have to re-learn how to organically find the strength to flow with any natural social anxiety and move through the feelings- not trying to find the solution at the bottom of a cocktail glass. My husband and I have many friends and family that drink from social drinkers to those that are alcoholics. On a Saturday night, many friends want to hang out at bars. Today we enjoyed ourselves at "Wiseguys" in Lake Placid, NY- a super fun little ski town bar. We met up with our friends. We drank our soda and water and we had a good time, sober. It still feels strange for me, to not be tempted to pick up a glass of wine and say what is the big deal. But, it is a pact that we made and something we've decided we would cut out for the rest of our lives. While that may be drastic to some people, other people may find that it is honorable learning the amount of discipline it takes to control your life and not let it control you.
Social networking often relies on parties, bar nights, alcohol, dancing, karaoke and some good old drunken singing/shouting. Social networking often requires this sort of bonding. But, you can eat bar food, play pool and darts and sing at the top of your lungs and not be drunk. My epiphany came today in one humorous realization.
That, if you are not a drinker and you must socialize, bond, network with peers, co-workers, and people you need to be schmoozing with or around family and close friends. If it is alcohol related schmoozing (which most American bonding requires) then you treat it like Halloween. You can not go wrong at all. You can scream and yell and dance around and do the old fashion line-dance all by yourself. You can do it all and no one will care because, they'll all assume that you are drunk. They will also be too drunk to care anyway. Or, you can be as reserved as you want. You can smile as little as you want. You can be as serious as you want. You can be as yourself as you want and no one will care. Why? Well, because again- they will all be too drunk to notice. Either way, when having to network and schmooze and not a drinker, that is okay. Behave however you want because the drunkards around you will not remember a thing in the morning. So, order that diet coke- hold the rum, and embrace socializing sober.
People are all striving towards some form of acceptance no matter who they are- they want to be understood and loved and know that they are not alone. The most over used ideology, phrase, cliche, and repeated mantra most people say is "I don't care what people think." Because if you are simply human, you will naturally care what other people think to a small degree. Some have mastered the art of not caring what people think, but not everyone is born with natural tendencies to not be concerned about others viewpoint of them.
Because, drinking, socializing, and wanting acceptance comes from over thinking what people think. And for the most part, if there are those that begin drinking to relax and loosen up, talk to that cute girl at the bar that they would normally be scared to ask out. Talk to peers or friends in a way that is not, well, themselves. Why? Because many people at the end of the day are sometimes sick of being themselves. Living in a world full of social rules and decorum. They want to escape, loosen up, dance crazy, shout at the top of their lungs, and swing their hair all around. They want to let go in a way that they normally can't. They want to escape the reality of who they are and the reality of life.
Other times, drinking is not as complex. From the beginning of time, it has been a way to socialize and bond. It has been the largest bonding agent in America for centuries now. It is so ingrained in our society, that many still are not able to know how to bond without the use of alcohol. Whether it is one drink, a bottle of wine, or a keg. Alcohol allows us to be less inhibited. It is similar to the excitement everyone feels for dressing up on Halloween. You get to be someone else for a day. You get to be as silly, as scary, as wild looking, as freaky as you want and no one will judge you. Everyone will except you.
Alcohol allows us to drop our guards and our personal boundaries, by allowing us to be uninhibited enough to erase the bit of consciousness left in us that rationalizes and over analyzes. Being someone who is confident and yet suffers with social anxiety, I have always hated the strangeness of new encounters or ones that made me dig deep to learn to re-adjust to new environments. However, being in the Army has allowed me and my husband to adjust more easily to almost any situation. Yes, I get stressed out, but the day we both decided to commit our lives to not drinking again was a day that we completely cut alcohol out of our lives. We decided we did not want to drink anymore. It was too costly in more ways than one. It was risky and dangerous and always lead people to do crazy things. The higher amounts of negative consequences due to drinking outweighed the positive reasons to have it in our lives. Plus, it was a stimulant one that was not natural and toxic to our memory, liver, and overall health.
It has been about a year now since we stopped drinking alcohol. I used to smoke cigarettes and cigars too believe it or not. I had quit on and off for years. But finally, I gave it up completely a year ago when I gave up drinking. I wanted to not be addicted to anything, not have anything dominate my life to such a degree that it controlled me. Someone with an addiction is someone with an illness that controls their life. Having a father who is an alcoholic, a grandmother who is, and a grandfather who died from it- I decided to cut alcohol out of my life. I was always an occasional drinker, but could have become an alcoholic if I continued to indulge in it- especially with my family history on my father's side.
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| My husband and I at Wiseguys, Lake Placid, NY with friends |
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| Water in hand and one goofy smile across my face; this is me having a blast sober and yet organically drunk off life. |
That, if you are not a drinker and you must socialize, bond, network with peers, co-workers, and people you need to be schmoozing with or around family and close friends. If it is alcohol related schmoozing (which most American bonding requires) then you treat it like Halloween. You can not go wrong at all. You can scream and yell and dance around and do the old fashion line-dance all by yourself. You can do it all and no one will care because, they'll all assume that you are drunk. They will also be too drunk to care anyway. Or, you can be as reserved as you want. You can smile as little as you want. You can be as serious as you want. You can be as yourself as you want and no one will care. Why? Well, because again- they will all be too drunk to notice. Either way, when having to network and schmooze and not a drinker, that is okay. Behave however you want because the drunkards around you will not remember a thing in the morning. So, order that diet coke- hold the rum, and embrace socializing sober.
"Some one who can live organically is someone with a lot of confidence, self esteem and motivation to make their own choices and have their own voice. They stand up for their beliefs and do not let others dictate their lives. They need not escape from reality, but live in it." Sonyo Lee Ferstl
Saturday, August 20, 2011
How to Utilize Linkedin For Effective Networking
There are many forms of networking tools to utilize these days and more are getting developed. With the flood of viral communication, the important thing to keep in mind are which social media sites you want to invest your time.
Negative Effects of Social Media (primarily Facebook):
1. Increases isolation and reduces real life communication with people.
2. Increases misunderstandings if words or something that is written is taken out of context or interpreted wrong.
3. Increases time on the computer, wasting away countless hours.
4. Increases chance of identity theft.
5. Increases cyber stalking, snooping, ease-dropping.
6. Increases anti-social behavior.
7. Trains this generation of being less capable of real communication, reducing the ability to communicate in person.
8. Allows fantasy to over-ride a person's life, increasing escapism.
9. Allows people to believe that unknown viral friends are somehow real when most of them they have never met in real life.
10. It is not real.
The absolute best example of this is in the new Toyota commercial.
Negative Effects of Social Media (primarily Facebook):
1. Increases isolation and reduces real life communication with people.
2. Increases misunderstandings if words or something that is written is taken out of context or interpreted wrong.
3. Increases time on the computer, wasting away countless hours.
4. Increases chance of identity theft.
5. Increases cyber stalking, snooping, ease-dropping.
6. Increases anti-social behavior.
7. Trains this generation of being less capable of real communication, reducing the ability to communicate in person.
8. Allows fantasy to over-ride a person's life, increasing escapism.
9. Allows people to believe that unknown viral friends are somehow real when most of them they have never met in real life.
10. It is not real.
The absolute best example of this is in the new Toyota commercial.
However, the best sort of social networking use are for the following purposes: obtaining jobs, job leads, connections for small and large businesses, viral marketing and PR uses for self publishing or self promotion of any type. Social networking is a powerful tool. But, needs to be intelligently used. One highly recommended site I use the most is Linkedin. I feel that it is the only professional networking site that does help you get connected to jobs. While Facebook has attempted their own version called "Branchout," it still doesn't come close to Linkedin. Unfortunately, anything on Facebook can not be taken seriously. Posts people have of their parties, drinking binges, and even bragging about murders- as one kid did when he killed his parents in Florida, then posted it up on Facebook, inviting his friends to a party while his parents were rotting away.
Linkedin, you can begin with the contacts you do have and then spread out by joining professional groups. You have to be accepted by the group. But, once you do- in each group there are many more members you can connect with. You can send them an invitation request if you have their e-mail, if you know them personally, or if you are apart of the same group. So far, I have joined 32 professional groups. I have been able to join in discussions, inquiries, and spread my networking. Linkedin is not a waste of time, with the proper use and knowledge- one can learn to get a job and continue to network on a professional level.
The rule of thumb for anyone in college (undergrad, grad, PHD) schools/Universities, in a business, or any professional environment where you are in contact with bosses, peers, and professors.
1. Learn how to listen.
2. Learn how ask the right questions.
3. Be friendly and social, but sincere (not fake).
4. Be a team player.
5. Establish professional boundaries immediately (by far the most important- even boundaries with family and close friends).
My Linkedin Groups where I am a participatory member:
Friday, August 19, 2011
Stepping out of the Matrix: Deleting Facebook
I am becoming more and more aware of the dangers regarding the internet and social media. Facebook now owns the rights to all of your pictures and information no matter if you cancel your service with them or not. It is a lot like spying on someone's life too, as most social media. Even if you are not friends with someone on Facebook, you can still know a friend of someone who is connected to a person you want to follow, ease-drop, and pretty much gather information.
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| Pugil match FRG (family readiness group) fundraiser Fort Drum, NY |
Very early this morning, a friend of mine today deleted his Facebook and texted me saying, "Hey, didn't delete you on purpose. Just wanted to delete my Facebook- wanted to step out of the Matrix. I want to know people in real life." I thought that was a great message.
Later that day, I coincidentally ended up battling my own faceless and nameless cyber-spies documenting my every thought; I realized how easy our information can be used against us. Why, I just blogged about this very thing not long ago. It was about media decorum and reminding ourselves of what we can and can not say. I had no idea just how quickly I would have to remind myself of this very lesson. Things we write can be misinterpreted, tracked, and used against us. Yet, as a wise friend has advised me that often standing up for our rights, giving our own critical analysis, and standing for our belief in personal justice- is a hard, unpopular road to travel down. But, either stand by silently and let it eat you alive inside or you bring to light matters of the heart. It is a personal choice.
I disconnected my Facebook after realizing I grew tired of having my own pugile stick match, defending words that shouldn't have been read as my Facebook was set on Private and yet invaders still found a way to sneak in. Although recently, Facebook has updated their privacy. I still decided to press "disconnect" from my Facebook account. Users have a huge responsibility on what they write. Therefore, it was best to take down my Facebook account or deal with the constant worry if what I say on this social networking site will be taken incorrectly. Until Facebook can prove that it has sufficiently improved their ability to protect ones privacy. I will not be re-activating my account any time soon. So, I heaved a heavy sigh of relief and pressed "delete." Since I needed to take responsibility for my own actions, I did just that by deciding to step away from the Facebook addiction to that Matrix- that false world.
I turned off my computer and smiled at the day I had with the people in my life. Real people, ones that I worked closely as a team to raise money for Family Readiness Group. A group that helps families of deploying and deployed soldiers at war. I watched as men, women, and soldiers all helped as a team to do simple things like pass out food and the most popular chili for their money's worth. Everyone smiled, laughed, and all treated each other like equals. In the Army, there is the highest level of team-player mentality that goes above any film set and class room I have ever been apart of. Being there, working together brought me back to that place. It erased any negative words and false accusations made by those that do not know me. Because, those that do know me know that one of my strengths is being a team player and working hard, carrying a heavy load or level of responsibility if I have to- just to ensure the goal we set out to do is achieved.
Together, we fed hungry soldiers and families and children and wives. We help break down the food table, take out the trash, and well- none of us walked away without getting our hands dirty. No one was better, no one was in a "click" everyone was, well, equal. I found today to be a new embrace of the good I know that is in me and it gave me hope. The misconception that most have with the Army or the military is that they do not blend with civilians. They are grouped together and unable to "play well" with the rest of society. This is a huge misconception. On the contrary, the military men and women and families are the most flexible people I know, myself included. Because we move a lot, we easily establish ways of re-adjusting to our new environment and set of friends quickly. But, our biggest strength is our ability to know how to work as a team.
And all it takes is one or a few antagonists in our lives to spread character assassinations- causing a ripple effect of negative energy effecting how the rest of your world sees you. Go to the grocery store, look in the magazines, tabloids and see the number of negative stories with celebrities posted. Their faces and their stories and some that are true, but most stories are character spears, assassinations and down right non-sense. How much of their lives are effected by a couple of rumors spread? Character assassinations that basically taint so many people's views of you before ever getting to know the you that you know you are, stripped from any exaggerations, misunderstanding, and mis-characterization?
If not careful, Facebook can do this to us and yes, we have to take some responsibility for what we post. It is our fault for posting up material that may offend others. So, if this happens, perhaps you may need to do the honorable think and disconnect from your Facebook account. Because, social media can come in to our lives to only create havoc. The larger your base of followers in any circle- the harder it is to maintain or keep track. Some may want to be a viral celebrity, while others are finding that it is better to press "delete." No misunderstanding, no hurt feelings, nothing taken personal, no more misjudging friends that have crazy extra-curricular activities you do not agree with or invitations not sent to you, the hours in your day wasted. The list goes on and on. The headache is over for me.
Good bye Facebook, I will not be re-activating my account unless Facebook changes their privacy policy. I am going to film more mountain biking this weekend, spending it hiking and with friends, with my husband and my dogs in Lake Placid. I am going to enjoy my life out side of the Matrix.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
2 Kinds of People: Eat the RAW steak vs. Complain to the Waiter
My husband and I were eating dinner at a steak restaurant once. It wasn't a typical steak place- it was a really expensive place where they specialized in their amazing steak-cooking abilities. He ordered his steak well done and I ordered mine- medium rare. Well, when our food came- I got what I wanted and I was pretty happy. I ordered a medium rare and that is what I got. However, when my husband received his (well done), it was all but walking off his plate. Yep. His wasn't just a little pink, it was RAW. It was bloody, uncooked, and pretty disgusting unless you like to eat raw meat.
When I informed him that he needed to say something, speak up. He grew worried and didn't want to be "that kind of customer." You know, the one that is a pain in the ass. It took a few more attempts to chew his uncooked meat and nearly vomiting at that- to finally cause him to flag the waiter and speak up.
THERE ARE 2 KINDS OF PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD:
1. THE PASSIVE AGRESSIVE TYPE: Those that do not speak up, do things underhandedly when they are upset and are afraid of confrontation. These are the types that will smile to your face and back stab you at the same time.
OR
2. THE "I TAKE NO BS" STRAIGHT FORWARD TYPE: The person that confronts issues head on and tells the waiter "I didn't order raw meat." I am that kinda guy. Not the quiet type that is afraid to simply ask for an expensive steak to be cooked a bit longer.
People that are my friends actually appreciate my straight forwardness. Others that don't like it are not my friends and I do not associate with them. Period. People value genuineness too. They know when you are real and when you are fake. That is why I do not believe in simply networking and cold/superficial contacts where people want to keep you at arms length.
Recently in the last 2 days my persistance has landed me an internship with a Los Angeles studio and a potential offer to write a biography of someone's amazing true life story. I did this through utilizing my contacts (over 600 now- 95% are all film industry) on Linkedin and also my ability to connect with people and really care about them.
Hey, so some people may think that being #2 on my personality list above is a bit "Oh my gosh....she's so abrasive. Why doesn't she just eat the raw meat and not complain to the waiter. What will the waiter and the restaurant think of her if she complains!"I prefer to be myself and those that really want to work with me- can. Those that don't- hey, more power to you.
Bottom Line: Do not be afraid to speak up. Because, while some may not jive with my blunt approach. I have many more contacts that would prefer it any day of the week above fake passive aggressive BS. I am a straight shooter. So far, I have already landed an internship in Los Angeles and a potential book writing gig. The internship is still being ironed out- as we are trying to work out a way to do it via telecommuting. Which is possible. The book writing gig- I just said "ABSOLUTELY" to her today. Being that this will be my 2nd official book I write (3rd if you count an unpublishable 600 page mess I wrote 12 years ago). So, I know all too well, it is not an easy undertaking when creating anything. There will be hard work ahead, but those that know me know that I am not afraid of hard work.
Hey, so these aren't 6 figure job offers, but for a current Grad student- it is not bad. I must be doing something right and that must be that those that do like me- are the potential job opportunities that matter.
"You draw more people to you with honey than you do with vinegar." Yeah, yeah, yeah.....BUT, "A CLOSED MOUTH DOESN'T GET FED EITHER, AND HOW ARE YOU GONNA BUY HONEY WITHOUT THE MONEY?!?!"
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