SEPTEMBER 11th- A DECADE LATER: time does not erase tragedy

Photography by Jimmy Sadler

We all are facing our own battles. Daily, we deal with the reality of a 9.5 - 9.7 national unemployment rate, a national debt crisis that causes to question the government spending, our military influence globally. When bringing up the the national debt one cannot bring up the debt crisis without questions of our presence in both Iraq and Afghanistan. Reading several different sites from various sources streaming over the internet from reputable entertainment sources to news- I have surprisingly read some people reacting in a hostil fashion towards 9/11 rememberance. Some people feel that it was 10 years ago and to just "leave it alone already" and that "the economy is the important thing to be thinking about today."

Photography by Jimmy Sadler

And while, yes the economy and our own personal lives is wrought with our own personal tensions and stress. When I read negative comments from some people actually getting annoyed with any sort of tribute towards 9/11- I tried to stay objective and yet I was floored. 10 years ago the attack on our soils changed the course of history, destroyed lives, and caused so much suffering. It was a moment in history most of us will never forget.

Personal family photos of my husband & his father

It is a moment that made people like my husband feel the need to serve his country with his life. He was about to start making plans for Graduate school when the event changed his life forever and many others as well. The picture here is a young boy (my husband) standing with his father proudly posing before the twin towers, a moment in time that burned a deep desire in him to sacrifice his plans to go to Graduate school and live the comfortable, typical civilian life.

Since, he has deployed 27 months both to Iraq and Afghanistan in some of the worst places. He will be going again on a 3rd deployment to Afghanistan in the near future. Since, we have buried many, many friends- too many soldiers and all have sacrificed their lives for this great nation.

When we bring up 9/11 we cannot bring it up without remembering all of what has happened within the last 10 years, including the wars. Many, many people may not agree with the causes or reasons for being in Iraq or Afghanistan.  Frankly, there have been too much division, disputes, and disagreements over this. I would rather not make this about a political debate over the wars.


Nonetheless, I  will honestly say one thing about it and write what I do know based upon my very real and extremely personal experience. What I do know from having lived through 27 months of worrying whether or not my husband was coming home alive or not-  is that those that have family, husbands, and fathers that have deployed to war and have gone and fought- our feedback should carry more weight over the war debate than those that have never understood the sacrifices. Those that have never gone to any of the funerals or do not know what it is like to worry or wait for a husband who is deployed to war. Those that have not lived in our shoes should not try to speak for us or attempt to banter on and on about anti-war this or pro-war that in an extremely politically divisive (right or left) way.  Most of these opinions, as I have come to find, usually come from those that assume to know or think they know. Just because one is highly educated does not make them war strategists, economists or genuine experts in the field. They especially cannot speak for the sacrifices that our military makes if they do not have the first clue as to just how much we really sacrifice.

But, rather than divided, in a very bi-partisan way 10 years ago what started as a tragedy turned in to a moment of unity. It was a moment where everyone came together. Those that did not believe in God- prayed for the first time. Those that did not understand what real loss was- felt it for the first time and it was so heavy that no one could escape it. It was so deep in our hearts, the grief touched all of us. For those that feel annoyed by remembering 9/11 or feel that it is exploitive and may cause those that have lost loved ones on this national tragedy to have to "re-live" that moment.

Photography by Jimmy Sadler

For those that feel that we have bigger problems to worry about like the economy and to just "get over it." To me, remembering soldiers that died for this country, fire fighters, police officers, and the victims of 9/11 is not exploitive- but our duty as citizens of this great country. It is our duty to remember them and to never forget. It is selfish of us to say " oh, get over it." I hope we never really get over it. There is no such thing as placing a number or a time table to a tragedy. There is no such thing as saying that if "X amount of time or years have gone by, then we should move on and forget it." Lives are forever changed. There are friends and family and children and people we are never going to be able to bring back. Ever. 

Like the holocaust and slavery and moments like the tragedy that happened 10 years ago that marked history, they are moments that cannot be blown off with a number. That is not to say that we do not continue to become stronger and learn from our past as a country and fortify our international and national security. However, there are some things in life that no matter how many years and decades go by, the grief remains just as real as the very day that all of it happened. Today is a moment to selflessly put others in our thoughts above our selves. We have plenty of hours in the day to think about ourselves. Today, let us reflect on all of the sacrifices and the lives lost on this very day that felt more like yesterday and not a decade.

Photography by Jimmy Sadler

Stepping out of the Matrix: Deleting Facebook

I am becoming more and more aware of the dangers regarding the internet and social media. Facebook now owns the rights to all of your pictures and information no matter if you cancel your service with them or not. It is a lot like spying on someone's life too, as most social media. Even if you are not friends with someone on Facebook, you can still know a friend of someone who is connected to a person you want to follow, ease-drop, and pretty much gather information. 

Pugil match FRG (family readiness group) fundraiser
Fort Drum, NY

Very early this morning, a friend of mine today deleted his Facebook and texted me saying, "Hey, didn't delete you on purpose. Just wanted to delete my Facebook- wanted to step out of the Matrix. I want to know people in real life." I thought that was a great message. 

Later that day, I coincidentally ended up battling my own faceless and nameless cyber-spies documenting my every thought; I realized how easy our information can be used against us. Why, I just blogged about this very thing not long ago. It was about media decorum and reminding ourselves of what we can and can not say. I had no idea just how quickly I would have to remind myself of this very lesson. Things we write can be misinterpreted, tracked, and used against us. Yet, as a wise friend has advised me that often standing up for our rights, giving our own critical analysis, and standing for our belief in personal justice- is a hard, unpopular road to travel down. But, either stand by silently and let it eat you alive inside or you bring to light matters of the heart. It is a personal choice.  

I disconnected my Facebook after realizing I grew tired of having my own pugile stick match, defending words that shouldn't have been read as my Facebook was set on Private and yet invaders still found a way to sneak in. Although recently, Facebook has updated their privacy. I still decided to press "disconnect" from my Facebook account. Users have a huge responsibility on what they write. Therefore, it was best to take down my Facebook account or deal with the constant worry if what I say on this social networking site will be taken incorrectly. Until Facebook can prove that it has sufficiently improved their ability to protect ones privacy. I will not be re-activating my account any time soon. So, I heaved a heavy sigh of relief and pressed "delete." Since I needed to take responsibility for my own actions, I did just that by deciding to step away from the Facebook addiction to that Matrix- that false world.

I turned off my computer and smiled at the day I had with the people in my life. Real people, ones that I worked closely as a team to raise money for Family Readiness Group. A group that helps families of deploying and deployed soldiers at war. I watched as men, women, and soldiers all helped as a team to do simple things like pass out food and the most popular chili for their money's worth. Everyone smiled, laughed, and all treated each other like equals. In the Army, there is the highest level of team-player mentality that goes above any film set and class room I have ever been apart of. Being there, working together brought me back to that place. It erased any negative words and false accusations made by those that do not know me. Because, those that do know me know that one of my strengths is being a team player and working hard, carrying a heavy load or level of responsibility if I have to- just to ensure the goal we set out to do is achieved.

Together, we fed hungry soldiers and families and children and wives. We help break down the food table, take out the trash, and well- none of us walked away without getting our hands dirty. No one was better, no one was in a "click" everyone was, well, equal. I found today to be a new embrace of the good I know that is in me and it gave me hope. The misconception that most have with the Army or the military is that they do not blend with civilians. They are grouped together and unable to "play well" with the rest of society. This is a huge misconception. On the contrary, the military men and women and families are the most flexible people I know, myself included. Because we move a lot, we easily establish ways of re-adjusting to our new environment and set of friends quickly. But, our biggest strength is our ability to know how to work as a team. 

And all it takes is one or a few antagonists in our lives to spread character assassinations- causing a ripple effect of negative energy effecting how the rest of your world sees you. Go to the grocery store, look in the magazines, tabloids and see the number of negative stories with celebrities posted. Their faces and their stories and some that are true, but most stories are character spears, assassinations and down right non-sense. How much of their lives are effected by a couple of rumors spread? Character assassinations that basically taint so many people's views of you before ever getting to know the you that you know you are, stripped from any exaggerations, misunderstanding, and mis-characterization?

If not careful, Facebook can do this to us and yes, we have to take some responsibility for what we post. It is our fault for posting up material that may offend others. So, if this happens, perhaps you may need to do the honorable think and disconnect from your Facebook account. Because, social media can come in to our lives to only create havoc. The larger your base of followers in any circle- the harder it is to maintain or keep track. Some may want to be a viral celebrity, while others are finding that it is better to press "delete." No misunderstanding, no hurt feelings, nothing taken personal, no more misjudging friends that have crazy extra-curricular activities you do not agree with or invitations not sent to you, the hours in your day wasted. The list goes on and on. The headache is over for me.

Good bye Facebook, I will not be re-activating my account unless Facebook changes their privacy policy. I am going to film more mountain biking this weekend, spending it hiking and with friends, with my husband and my dogs in Lake Placid. I am going to enjoy my life out side of the Matrix.